The Unsung Art of Self-Distraction

Submitted by: Brian, TN (Brian’s blog can be found here)

Although many people label me with terms like “lazy,” or “geek,” or “detriment to society,” I like to think I have a graduate degree in distractions. 

I’m not a psychologist. I have always avoided processing my grief, stress, or pain through distractions, from reading the Harper Hall trilogy multiple times as a kid to mindlessly tapping on my phone in a doctor’s waiting room. 

I’m sure a psychologist would balk at my avoidance of directly confronting hardship. But, in the uncertain times we all find ourselves in currently, I think we could all use a little mindless entertainment to keep us from our thoughts. Thus, I’m here to lend my graduate-level expertise and hopefully give you permission to blow off a little steam. 

If you read my Christmas submission, you’re aware of my brother Buz. He succumbed to cancer while I was in high school. Much later, I would be diagnosed with cancer, too. Benefits of my diagnosis range from the mundane, such as a lot of anxiety-laden time in doctors’ offices, to the more electrifying, such as losing my arm and getting a feeding tube. These resume-worthy experiences, in my opinion, lend to my credibility as a distraction master. Who else could our worried nation turn to for keeping our minds off our shared pain, uncertainty, and anxiety?

I spend a lot of time in doctors’ offices. Rather than waste my time on their year-old People magazines, I’ve been playing a game on my phone to keep my mind off my coming appointment. It’s called Two Dots. People in the know may scoff that Two Dots is but a poor imitation of Candy Crush, but I contend that it is a more refined version—a Candy Crush for the elite, if you will. At least that’s what I tell myself. I recently achieved a Two Dots milestone. I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it in the news. I made it to level 1,998 (only people from my college graduating class will truly appreciate that inside joke). At my funeral, they’ll likely wax poetic about my Two Dots prowess—along with my ability to quote the entirety of The Princess Bride. 

I also utilize distractions as a way to cope with physical pain. Upon introspection, I have a curious relationship with varying types of pain, successfully using distraction with more consistent, predictable, daily pain, but with little success regarding acute, unexpected pain (it’s probably a normal phenomenon, but I choose to see myself as unique). I deal with constant nerve pain by not focusing on it, but I’m significantly less successful handling sudden pain that I can’t consciously avoid. For example (disclaimer—you’ll likely find this grossly fascinating), my left ear fills up with earwax that is dry and hard because of radiation damage. I am EXTREMELY sensitive at the ENT when he digs in my ear to get out the crud that builds up in there because I think about it and psych myself out. Whenever we’re alone in the little room waiting for the doctor to come in, my horrible wife, Betsy, likes to use their little scope to look in my ear to see if she can get some wax out. I believe she gets some sort of sadistic joy at my discomfort. The conversation goes like this:

“Brian, can I look in your ear?”

“No.”

“I just want to look.”

“No.”

“Please, I won’t do anything!”

“No.”

“Brian, just—“

“No, Betsy.”

“Brian!”

“No.”

“Too bad; I’m doing it.”

“NO BETSY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

“Oooooh, you really need to see this!”

“GET AWAY! GET AWAY! NURSE? ANYBODY?”

I can’t stand it when she goes near my ear. And yet, I’m able to ignore the constant burning and tingling on my right side, along with the ever-present phantom limb pain where my left arm should be. It doesn’t bother me at all, despite being as bad, if not worse, than any pain I get in my ear. My only conclusion is that hours of Princess Bride viewings and Two Dots playing are paying off in spades. 

Many of you are experiencing some of the same and using, in my opinion, very worthy distraction techniques. Whether it’s anxiety of going out in public for necessities, or processing grief of a changing lifestyle, or trying not to ruminate on the fact that your children are starting to recreate scenes from Lord of the Flies…there are some ninja-level distraction techniques out there. 

Some of you are using your kids as a personal hair stylist (Note: My daughter wants to put makeup on me. Not gonna happen). Others are recreating scenes from their favorite Disney films. Watching that Beauty and the Beast re-enactment made me feel like I’ve achieved nothing during my quarantine.

Perhaps, like our neighborhood in Knoxville, you and your family are walking around on “bear hunts”, looking for teddy bears neighbors have put in their windows. We’re also perusing the woods near our home, checking out the local wildlife. 

Some of us binge-watch obscure Swedish detective series. Others read literature, romance, biographies, historical fiction, fantasy. There are those who sew masks, bake bread, landscape the lawn, walk the dog(s), plant gardens, or complete 1,000-piece puzzles. 

Again, I’m not a psychologist. For what it’s worth, though, distractions got me through my brother’s death, my own cancer and today, my constant nerve pain. A psychologist would have to weigh in on how mentally healthy this is. But, in the uncertain times we all find ourselves in currently, I think we could all use a little mindless entertainment to keep us from our thoughts. As to whether society gains anything from our pointless diversions, it’s been my experience that a little distraction is just fine.  

I hope all of you are able to find moments of peace each day, and perhaps, a few goofy moments of virtual dance-offs, introducing your kids to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or hey, even a little Candy Crush (even though Two Dots is far superior). Give yourself a pass. Stay safe and healthy.